Side bar - They told me so

That moment you realize you should have waited to spout off to anyone who would listen that you are okay when you really were not okay. One quick analysis from a brief viewing isn't definitive and I should have waited for the full report. 

I just got my official results from an ECHO and they are slightly different than the discussion I had with my DR the day of the test. In her defense, she only had time to glance at the ECHO without the analysis completed. From what she could tell, my aorta was around the same size range as reported in the past. Also she said that my heart looked good besides a little weakened left ventral. 

The results show that my aorta is bigger than desired at the root and not the LV and the LA are weakened. In my head, that's a huge difference between our discussion. 

People say I think to much into things. I am not a DR or an expert so maybe these things will be okay. I know they will be okay but my weight is catching up to me, my lifestyle is catching up to me. At what point does this turn into being completely my fault?

I keep telling myself that declining heart heath isn't my fault, I was BORN with these issues. I was born with predisposed heart problems! It's not my fault! Right? Eh, not so much. There are so many out of my control but there are just as many thing IN my control. My weight being one of them. I have so much FAT on me, it takes more heart strength to pump my blood to other parts of my body. 

I didn't give myself cardiomyopathy but I could have made it easier for my heart by loosing weight 5 years ago when I found out I had it. 

I didn't give myself Marfans but I could have made it easier on my aorta by actually listening to people about not lifting things (and of course the strains of weight on my heart).

I didn't give myself these issues but I could have been more responsible with taking my medications.

Those things are on me. 

I know that loosing weight isn't a cure for my problems. No, but it will help. 

I hate being overweight.